Freedom
by Stormhold
Summary: This was not the first time that Stayne had stolen from  her,: Alice helps Mirana heal scars past and present and shows her that allowing herself to feel does not mean allowing the darkness to win. Warnings: Adult Content
1. Authors Note

Freedom: Summary and Authors Notes

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Summary: 

This was not the first time that Stayne had stolen from her. Alice helps Mirana heal and shows her that allowing her self to feel does not mean allowing the darkness to win.

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Warnings:

Adult Content

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Disclaimer:

you know the drill Alice in Wonderland and all its characters do not belong to me, but this story is mine.

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Authors Note

This story is loosely based around real events

The story is split between Mirana and Alice's present, and flashbacks of Mirana and Iracebeth's past

Stayne was taken in by Mirana and Iracebeth's parents and began a relationship with Iracebeth, but developed an unhealthy obsession with Mirana

This story follows loosely the second half of the film.


	2. Arrivals

Freedom: Arrivals

Summary: Alice arrives ar mamoreal, and Mirana is reminded of things she'd rather forget

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Mirana of Marmoreal was walking the halls of her white city, she was awaiting the arrival of the young woman she hoped would be her champion Alice Kingsley. Bayard had arrived two days ago informing her that Alice had made it to the palace of Iracebeth her sister.

She was worried, she knew what Iracebeth and her knave Stayne were like, she feared that if they learnt that Alice was within their walls she would be dead before she could reach Marmoreal.

She could here a commotion coming from the gates, she arrived to see Alice clutching the sword. Mirana felt a twinge of what she remembered as joy as she walked out to greet them.

"Welcome to Marmoreal Alice, I am Mirana the White Queen.

Mirana guided Alice into one of the main chambers and placed the Sword with a beautiful suit of armour. "The Amour is complete, now all I need is a champion" Mirana explained in an almost dreamy fashion

"A champion?" enquired Alice

"To defeat Iracebeth's jabberwocky, I'd fight him myself but it is against my vows" Mirana replied, she longed to fight her sister's champion herself but she was scared if she opened the door to the darkness she would never be able to close it. "you're a little taller than I thought you'd be "

Mirana guided Alice to a room full of potion making equipment and brewed a potion to reduce her to her normal size. "you have met my sister?"

"Yes and her henchman Stayne!", Alice replied noticing the slight flinch when she mentioned Stayne's name.

"How did they seem to you?" Mirana asked as she continued to add ingredients to the potion

"Positively horrid! you can't imagine the things that go on in that place!" Alice exclaimed.

"Oh yes, I can" she replied, a dark expression, a mixture of fear pain and anguish passed over Mirana face, but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared. "that should do it" she said handing a spoonful of potion to Alice.

Alice took a sip of the potion and returned to a height almost identical to Mirana.


	3. Returns

Returns

Summary: Tarrant, Mallymkin and the twins return to Marmoreal, and stayne comes for the vorpal sword and so much more

Warnings: there is a semi-graphic rape scene in this chapter.

Authros Note: writing in italics are Miran's thought process

* * *

"Mirana , Mirana they're here!" Alice shouted down the hall way breaking her revere, she quickly wiped away the few tears that had found their way to her cheeks.

"Who is here?" she asked in response

"Hatter, the Twins, The dormouse and Bayards family" Alice replied taking her hand they both went out to greet them.

Mirana kissed the twins on their foreheads, "hello again my dear friend, she greeted Tarrent with an embrace, it is wonderful to see you"

"Hello Mira, your sister tried to cut of my head, bu-but because of chess she didn't, I'm awfully glad she didn't" Mirana took him by the hand and they all moved inside.

* * *

Mirana had decided to go for a walk, she hoped that Alice would agree to help her, and it was good to have Tarrent, the twins and Mallymkun with her in Marmoreal, as she travelled the halls she heard a horse approaching so went out to the city entrance to investigate.

What she saw made her heart drop, riding up to her city was none other than Ilosovic Stayne. Mirana was paralyzed with fear, images were flying through her mind . He dismounted and strode towards her, pressing her against the wall.

"Hello Mirana, I believe you have something that belongs to Iracebeth!" he growled and pressed against her she could feel something, as her brain caught up she realised it was an erection. Mirana felt sick, she knew what was coming, _I need to be brave, he can't see my fear I can't let him win, I can't let him win. Not here, not in my city, not here it was the only part of her life He hadn't tainted.  
_

"What do you want Stayne?", she asked trying to sound brave, but her voice came out as a squeak.

"The same thing I have always wanted Mirana, You!", He growled once more pressing his erection into her leg. "I don't care about the sword, I don't care for Iracebeth any longer, just you, it's always been you"

Mirana couldn't breath, it was all to familiar, she pushed against his chest, _Not again, please not again_ but he outmatched in size and strength. He reached for the hem of her skirt _Stop. _

" Stayne please stop" Mirana begged growing more and more desperate by the second.

"Oh Mirana, you're as beautiful as ever, don't; worry my love, it will be as wonderful as always" he groaned in pleasure, and forced his hand down Mirana's skirt, making contact with her sensitive area's, Mirana 's breathing was becoming increasingly erratic and she was finding it a battle to remain conscious.

Stayne pulled back, surveying Mirana, unable to contain himself any longer, he released his erection. Mirana closed her eyes and willed herself to anywhere but that instance. The last thing she felt before she lost consciousness was the familiar searing pain between her thighs, and Stayne's moans of pleasure.

* * *

Alice was wandering the halls of Marmoreal, she was unable to sleep, her mind was racing with thought's of jabberwockies, champions and Mirana, mostly Mirana. The white queen puzzled her, she seemed so disconnected with the world almost like a spectator to her own life. Yet when she had spoken about her sister and Stayne her reaction was real, if only for a split second , but it had been real. Real and concerning.

"What are you doing in here?" she shouted down the courtroom, Stayne was picking up the Vorpal sword.

"Damn girl, why can't you leave well enough alone, don't you understand we'll never be free of her" Stayne replied striding toward the door, Alice called for help, and within seconds Tarrent, Mallymkin and Ches had arrived.

Knowing he was beaten Stayne dropped the sword. " I'll leave" he roughly pushed through them and took of down the hall.

"well that was strange, he gave up far to easily, hard to believe he helped in my almost execution" Tarrent exclaimed

"Very strange, he sounds as though he hates Iracebeth as much as everyone else" Alice mused wondering if she should have stopped him leaving.

Little did she know in a short while she would be wishing she had done more than simply stopped his departure.

* * *

Mirana was exactly where Stayne had left her, back against the wall, blood and other fluids dripping down her legs.

"Make it stop, please make it stop" she kept muttering to herself. She was terrified, she had worked so hard for so long to keep all of her feeling towards Stayne and her sister at bay, to keep the memories at bay and now they were threatening to return and she was terrified. She didn't want to end up like Racie.

She was confused, scared that all the emotions attached with what Stayne had just done, and what he had done to her as a child and young adult would push her over the edge, allow the darkness to take hold. No, this was not the first time that Stayne had stolen from her! _Think Mirana Think_. She couldn't it was all to loud, _you need to get up, bury this you did it then, you can do it now, no-one can know it's to dangerous._

"Mirana" Mirana heard a voice and then a gasp next to her, she refused to look up, she was ashamed, shame was one of the few emotions that had broken through the barriers throughout her life and here it was again. The figure crouched next to her

"Mirana, was it Stayne?". _That name why couldn't he just leave her alone, would she ever be free of him, would he continue to haunt her for the remainder of her days_.

"Mirana", _that voice again, why couldn't it understand she just wanted to be left alone, she just wanted to forget. _"Mirana, is it ok if I carry you to your room?", she nodded, she did not trust herself to speak. As she was lifted her mind returned to its previous mantra _Make it stop, Make it stop…._


	4. Barriers

Freedom: Barriers

Summary: Alice struggles on how to help Mirana, and Mirana struggles on how to keep her darkness at bay.

Authors Note: again writing in Italics are Mirana's thought process, I do not agree with what is written, but they are some of the poisonus thoughts that come along with abuse.

* * *

"Mirana, please look at me", Alice begged, she was at a loss, she didn't know what to say.

"Can I get you out of these clothes and clean you up?" Mirana didn't answer, so with trepidation Alice reached for the ties of Mirana's shirt, slowly she removed it, and took in Mirana's body, there were purple handprints on her wrists where Stayne had held her in position Alice mused.

She reached for the hem of Mirana's skirt, and slowly removed it. Alice suppressed a gasp , Mirana's thighs were covered in blood, what she could only imagine was semen as well as the beginnings of dark purple bruises. Alice left the room to find a wet cloth. When she returned Mirana had yet to show any recognition that Alice was even in the room with her. Alice pressed the damp cloth against Mirana's thigh , it was this that was to break the queen's revere,

_No! don't touch me, i'm dirty, He's all over me, I need to get him off me, I need it to stop, I need it to stop. _Mirana could feel the emotion's swell, feel the darkness rise inside of her. _  
_

Alice felt Mirana tense, she looked up and what she saw broke her heart. Eyes, eyes filled with grief, anguish, and terror, pure terror. "I'm not going to hurt you I promise." Alice whispered Mirana seemed to calm so Alice moved to clean Mirana's wounds once more.

"Make it stop, please make it stop" Mirana's whispered her eyes were begging Alice. Alice had found some of Mirana's clothes and placing them on the floor she took her hand.

"I'll make it stop, I promise" Alice squeezed her hand and started to dress her, when she was done she lay next to her on the bed, placed her arms around her and repeated "I'll make it stop, I promise" Mirana fell into an uneasy sleep and Alice kept a vigil beside her throughout the night.

* * *

Alice awoke with a start, she hadn't intended to fall asleep, the first thing se noticed was that Mirana was no where to be found. She was worried, no-one else knew what had transpired the previous evening, and the only words she had heard from Mirana were her pleas to make it stop, she wasn't even sure what it was. She heard and fan fare and made for the courtyard where it originated

"Who will step forward for the white queen?" McTwisp asked the gathered crowd.

Alice looked at Mirana, she looked as airy as she had when Alice had first met her. Unsure of what to say she took up a spot next to her and observed. If she hadn't found her covered in blood and seen the look in her eyes she wouldn't imagine anything had happened at all. Mirana gave her a small smile upon her arrival and turned back to the crowd.

"That would be I", Tarrant stepped out the crowd

"You have poor evaporating skills, I should be the one" Chess had appeared next to Tarrant

"I'll do it" Mallymkin beat her brow and for a moment seemed as tall as knight

"No me!" Tweedle Dee (or was it Tweedle Dum) stepped out of the crowd holding a small wooden sword.

"No me!" the other twin swiftly joined him

Mirana's mind however was not with the unfolding events but reeling from the arrival of Alice._ You stupid girl, why couldn't you have moved when He left. Then she wouldn't have found you, and you wouldn't be in this situation! She wont let it go, she'll push you to talk to feel! She doesn't understand she doesn't know the darkness inside of you. She can't imagine what would happen were it to take hold of you. _

She was broken out of her revere when McTwisp dropped his scroll down the steps .

"No other way or no how, if it aint Alice it aint dead" the twins chorused.

Mirana shook her head "Alice you cannot give your life to please others, the choice must be yours"

Alice could see the pleading in Mirana's eyes she knew that she was not only speaking of her choice to be champion.

"For when you step out to face that creature you will step out alone"

Alice turned, turned and ran, she couldn't bear to be around her white queen, she knew she couldn't understand how Mirana must be feeling, or how she could act as though nothing had happened. Did she really expect her to just forget what she had seen, what she knew had occurred between Mirana and Stayne. Alice knew she needed to talk to Mirana, but she couldn't do it with all those people around.

* * *

Mirana was once again roaming the city of Marmoreal, lost in her own thoughts, thought's of Alice, thought's of Stayne. _No!_. No she would not think of him it was to dangerous._ Dangerous, no Alice finding you, Alice and her knowledge of just what Stayne did to you that is dangerous. You must convince her that nothing of consequence took place, that your fine, you've always been fine and the last thing you need to do is talk. _Mirana sat for a moment her head spinning, it was then all those old feelings, old thoughts began to spring up.

_It's all your own fault you know!_

_No!_

_Of course it is, if you'd spoken up when you were a child, if you hadn't let it go on for so long. Maybe then they would have believed you, they would have done something to stop Him. _

_No, No, I was just a child, I didn't know what was happening!_

_No, but you knew it was wrong, you should have said something, you didn't try to stop it, so you let it happen. You tore your family apart, its your fault Racie lost her mind. It's your fault she's a tyrant queen. _

"Stop it, just stop it!" Mirana cried out, she could feel the darkness swell inside of her.

"Stop what my lady?", Tarrant's concerned voice filled the corridor

"Oh Tarrant , I'm just worried about this champion business, and my mind is plaguing me with all sorts of scenario's" Mirana answered him hoping he would accept it without question.

Tarrant nodded in understanding, he had been toying with the idea of telling Mirana of Stayne's attempt to steal the sword. He had decided against, for though she had never told him, he had always suspected the terror Stayne had caused her as a girl, he did not want to be the one to remind her of it. He loved her entirely to much for that.

* * *

Alice finally stopped running, she was in over her head and she knew it. she didn't think she could handle this, it was far to complicated to be a dream, but it must be a dream how could any off this be real. She was broken out of her revere by a loud coughing, she look up.

"Absolem , why are you upside down?" Alice had finally stopped running and returned to the catapillar

"I have come to the end of this life", he replied.

"Your going to die? Alice felt a great sadness

"Transform" he coughed again.

"Please don't go, I need your help, I don't know what to do?" she asked in earnest, she wanted to help Mirana in more ways than just be her champion.

"how can I help you when you don't even know who you are you stupid girl" the catapillar

"I'm not stupid, I'm Alice Kingsley, I have a mother called Helen, a sister called Margret, my father was Charles Kingsley and he had a vision that stretched halfway around the world." Alice replied anger evident in her voice.

"Finally you were this dim witted the first time you were here, you called it wonderland" Absolem responded

Alice remembered, she had been here before, she had been useful then, she could be useful now.

"Then it is real!, so are you and so is the hatter" Alice exclaimed

"and Mirana and the Jabberwocky, remember Alice the Vorpal sword knows what it wants, you just need to hold onto it, farewell Alice I may see you in another life."

She knew what she needed to do, she needed to slay the Jabberwocky then she could focus on helping Mirana.


	5. Battle

Freedom: Battles

Summary: Alice battles the Jabberwocky and Mirana battles her emotions

Authors Note: Normal ittalics are Mirana's thought process, Bold ittalics are alice thought processes

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Mirana looked back towards her throne room, she still had a vague hope that Alice would agree to be her champion, and she could rid her life and her kingdom of Stayne and Racie forever. But how could expect Alice to help her now, now that she knew just how stained by them both she was., and so left her with only one choice, she would have to fight the Jabberwocky herself, but then in doing that she was risking becoming as much a tyrant as the people she feared the most.

She heard a commotion coming from the throne room and turned, only to see Alice thundering towards her on the back of Bandersnatch. Her heart stopped,_ she came, even though she knows, even though she saw she came!, Does this mean she doesn't find me repulsive?_ Mirana pulled herself out of her thoughts, now was not the time for self reflection, now was the time to save her people her world from the red queen and her followers.

* * *

Alice surveyed Mirana, even if only for a split second she had seen emotion in those beautiful eyes. That was all she needed to know there was hope, if they could just get through today, through this battle, then she could start putting the broken pieces of her beautiful white queen back together.

They set off for the battle field, the long silent march gave Alice much time to think on all that happened over the last day, she feared what would happen when Mirana saw Stayne once more, feared that it would push the young queen over the edge. She feared what would happen when she saw Stayne, the anger had been bubbling under the surface from the moment she had found Mirana in that hallway, she feared she would be unable to contain it long enough to stay focused on slaying the Jabberwocky.

They had arrived on the battle field, she watched as Mirana dismounted and walked to towards the centre of the battle field, flawless as always her motions giving nothing away. Across from them she saw Stayne dismount, the anger inside of her piqued, and then assist the Iracebeth out of her seat. The two sisters met in the centre

"Hello Iracebeth" Mirana's voice was calm and controlled

"Hello … Mewanha" the smaller queen replied.

McTwisp, played his bugle "On this day the queen's red and white will send champions, to do battle on their behalf"

"Racie, we don't have to fight" , Mirana begged her sister she was not simply talking about this battle, but the feud that had started years ago, when Iracebeth had chosen Stayne over her family.

"I know what your doing, you think you can blink those pretty little eyes, and I'll melt just like mummy and daddy did", Iracebeth contempt was evident was written all over her features.

"Please" Mirana tried once more, holding out her hand, they had been so close once. They had shared everything, _and then he ruined it, he stole your sister, he stole your innocence , he stole your life, he deserves to die. _

_Stop! stop playing with my mind._

"No! it is my crown, I am the eldest" Anger poured from Iracebeth throat. Mirana withdrew her hand she knew she had lost, she didn't stand a chance with Racie, where Stayne was in the equation.

"Jabberwocky" the red queen shouted once more

* * *

The lines of red knights, parted and a creature beyond all imagination appeared, Alice was terrified beyond belief , how could she defeat such a thing. It outmatched her in every way possible. She didn't stand a chance, but she needed to win this battle, she needed to survive to help Mirana.

The battle raged on and Alice was growing more exhausted by the second, she was beginning to question if she could really do this _**Remember Alice the Vorpal sword knows what it wants, you just need to hold onto it. I often think of**_ _**six impossible things before breakfast.**_ The words of Absolem and her father gave her courage she needed.

Diving into the air, she shouted "Off with your head", and it was over the Jabberwocky had been slain.

Alice moved over to where the hatter held a sword to Stayne's throat, Tarrant moved to one side. Alice pulled Stayne up so he was standing,

"You're a monster, I should kill you where you stand", she spat the words out

"Please, Spare me", Stayne's voice was barely above a whisper

"Please, please! Did Mirana say please as you forced yourself inside of her? Did Mirana say please, when you held her against a wall and raped her? Did she say please when you left her broken and alone in the halls of her own city?" Alice voice was so low that only she and Stayne could hear.

The Knaves face showed no sign that her words had had any affect

"Did she? Well did she?", this time Alice was shouting, she drew the Vorpal sword and placed it against Stayne's throat.

"Alice, stop, the voice belonged to Mirana, this is not the way"

"But, what he did to you, he deserves death" Alice responded confusion evident in her voice.

"Alice, this isn't about what He has done to me, or even to this world. This is about what killing him will do to you, she held Alice in an embrace and took the sword from her hands, Please do not become like him" Mirana did not try to hide the anguish in her voice and the fear in her eyes.

* * *

"Kill her", Iracebeth bellowed at her knights, pointing towards Alice

"We follow you no longer, big head!", one of the knights replied dropping his spear

"How dare you! Off with his head", she shouted pointed at the knight in question.

All the soldiers on the battlefield dropped their weapons, Iracebeth's crown left her head and travelled over towards Mirana, chess apparated and placed the crown on Mirana head.

"Iracebeth of crims, your crimes against Underland are worthy of death, However…. it is against my vows. Therefore you are banished to the outlands, no-one is to ever show you any kindness or speak a word to you, you will not have a friend in the world" , her heart broke, she so much wanted her sister back, but she knew it would not be possible

"As for you Stayne, you are to join her in her banishment from this day until the last of Underland" Mirana voice faltered and she had to look away from his face.

"At least we have each other", Iracebeth attempted to comfort Stayne,.

"Mirana, please kill me, Please" he begged her

"You will spend your days in exile, as punishment for ALL of your crimes against Underland." Mirana turned she could not bear to look at Him any longer.

* * *

Mirana prepared a vial of Jabberwocky blood and handed it to Alice.

"The blood of the Jabberwocky , as a token of our everlasting gratitude for your efforts on our behalf", the sadness had returned to Mirana voice

"Will this take me home?" Alice asked

"If that is what you chose." Mirana smiled, but it was somewhat false her face betrayed she wished for Alice to remain

"What if I wish to remain here with all of you?" Alice asked panic evident in her voice, she feared the anger and violence she had shown towards Stayne had scared Mirana.

"Then you would be more than welcome" Mirana's eyes had returned to their ever guarded state. she mounted her horse once more and began to lead her troops back to Marmoreal.


	6. Marmoreal

Freedom: Marmoreal

Summary: Alice pushes Mirana to connect with her emotions

Warnings: Discussion of rape and child abuse

* * *

Upon their return to Marmoreal everyone was full of energy. There were talks of a royal ball to celebrate their victory over the red queen, banquets the list seemed positively endless. Mirana loved being queen but often privacy was a luxury she didn't have. She longed to escape to her chambers, to anywhere that wasn't filled with crowds of people. Her head was spinning she could scarcely take in what advisors were saying. She just wanted to escape.

"Ladies, I think the queen may need a few hours rest, it has been a long and emotion filled day for her", the voice belonged to Tarrant, she smiled at him as she walked gracefully as ever from the room, once she was out of sight, she broke into a run, she didn't know where she was going she just needed space to think. She stopped, needing to catch her breath as looked around her mind registered that she was in the corridor she had walked two evenings ago. The thought made her sick and she began to run once more stopping at the balcony overlooking the river.

It was here, as her legs gave way and she sank to the floor, the bench behind her the only thing keeping her from completely collapsing that Mirana's barriers broke down for the first time in years. Her breathing became laboured as memories from the previous night pushed into her consciousness, images of Stayne taking her in her beautiful Marmoreal, she couldn't bear it, this was the one place, the one part of her life that had been free of Him and now it to was tainted, she didn't know if she had the strength to go on living here, to walk these halls everyday and act as though nothing had happened. She longed to leave, to move to forget everything here, everyone, as she had done the day she had been forced to leave her family home. But she could not she had responsibility here people who needed her to take care of them.

"Yes, she muttered to herself, I must stay, there are people here who need me, people who need me to take care of them" _You can do it, It will take effort, but soon you'll have forgotten all about Stayne and Iracebeth and gone back to being the Mirana everyone knows and loves._

"But who takes care of you Mirana" that voice again

_you should have told her to leave, she'll just make things worse. She doesn't understand the responsibilities you have to your people._

* * *

Alice joined Mirana on the floor and reached for her hand, Mirana shrank away from her touch.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of Mirana" Alice tried to keep her voice as tender as possible.

"I have everything to be ashamed of, you don't know what your talking about, your just a girl", Mirana responded the bitterness more than evident in her words

" Your not that much older than me yourself Mirana" Alice was trying to do this gently, but she feared that she would have to bait Mirana, that it was the only way Mirana would really face what had transpired that night.

"I was forced into adulthood long before you even knew Wonderland existed, I've been taking care of myself and my people for years, I don't need yours or anyone else's help. I just need to forget and move on" Mirana was angry Alice could see that, but she was also afraid, of what Alice was unsure. She tried again.

"Mirana, Stayne raped you, she saw the queen recoil at the word, suppressing it, forgetting won't change that, your emotions will just eat away at you, until there's nothing left" Alice was still keeping her tone as tender as possible.

"you don't know what your talking about, you can't understand what this is like. The darkness I can't, if it gets a foothold I'll end up like them" Mirana voice changed from anger to defeat.

It was then that Alice realised what Mirana had been referring to when she had begged her to make it stop, she had lived for years in fear of this darkness. For Mirana there were only two outcomes to Stayne assault. She embraces all the emotions that come along with the rape and she ends up like Iracebeth, Or she continues to suppress them and her kingdom, her people are safe, regardless of the personal cost.

Alice was filled with an amazing admiration for the young queen beside her, the sacrifice she was willing to make for her people was huge. But Alice knew she had to convince her there was a third option. That she, Alice could help her deal with the onslaught of emotions that had already and would continue to arise as Mirana worked through her rape, and that with her help Mirana could heal, and together they could keep the darkness at bay.

"Your right, I can't understand what this is like for you. But in London, a friend who was very dear to me, she was attacked and she chose to ignore it, to forget it and eventually it all became to much and she left our world behind for good. I can not loose another friend Mirana. I'll help you, together we can keep the darkness at bay, Allowing yourself to heal doesn't mean allowing the darkness has to win" Alice waited, waited for her words to sink, silently hoping that Mirana would accept her words as true.

* * *

" I came here to escape Him" Mirana's voice was barely above a whisper. " To escape her, I was once so close to Racie, we shared everything, we were inseparable" she stopped, waiting for her breathing to slow, already she could feel the anguish seeping into her bones. "And after the first few years, I really had begun to forget all about them, but then tales of Iracebeth tyranny reached my walls and I knew He would not be far behind, In my early days as here, I think people used to wonder just what had happened when I lived Salazen Grum. But as time went by I became more skilled in forced expressions and people stopped asking." Mirana took Alice's hand in her own and breathed deeply before continuing " I had been here probably three years, when I realised I could remember very little of my childhood anymore, their names still caused me terror whenever I heard them, and I was still very uncomfortable around males. But my mind had suppressed almost everything that Stayne had ever done to me within those walls"

The anguish was now squeezing at Mirana heart, but Alice was right she couldn't allow Stayne to keep her a prisoner within her own mind any longer

"When I saw him riding into my city, my safe haven it was almost as though the barriers that had contained him for so long came crashing down, and I could see all the rapes, Mirana felt Alice squeeze her hand silently encouraging her to continue, she squeezed back, all the abuse everything he had done to me as a child, but the image that shone through was Racie, the day she had walked in whilst Stayne was rape, Mirana took a sharp intake of breath and spoke so fast that Alice could barley keep up with her, raping me and she was furious, it all happened so fast, Stayne had whispered something to her, she demanded that he leave the room, I tried to tell her that I hadn't wanted it, that I had struggled, tried to escape, that he had raped me, but she didn't want to hear it. she told me from that day I was no longer her sister and as far as she was concerned she didn't care what happened to me. I had always come second to Stayne in Racie's eyes, but her rejection hurt me so much more than anything He ever did to me" Mirana stopped her breathing had become dangerously laboured, but she needed to finish, she couldn't stop now.

" I went straight to my parents, I tried to tell them, but again they didn't believe me, they took a similar stance to Racie. They told me if I couldn't face up to what I had done, if I continued with this ridiculous abuse story then I should leave Salazen as I would no longer be welcome. And so I left, I took only my potion equipment, as I was leaving I saw Tarrent, he looked so sad, he begged me to stay , that whatever had happened he would protect me, I didn't have to leave my home, leave him. But I couldn't so I ran for days, until I arrived here, the Queen at the time knew who I was, she took me in, I think she must have heard what had happened at Salazen, but she never pushed me for information, her only request of me, was that I would assume her throne when she was no longer with us."

Mirana closed her eyes she was feeling remarkably drained, it was the first time in her life that she had spoken of all she had suffered as a child.

"Four years later I did, I was seventeen and knew very little about how to be a queen but I was blessed, the Queen had organised a small group of female advisors to help me along the way, she had always known my trepidation around males, she always took great care of me. If there is anything I miss of my old life it is her."

The tears began to fall, Mirana felt Alice pull her into an embrace, and for the second time in as many days she felt herself being lifted from the ground and carried through the halls of her white city, for the first time in years she felt safe in the arms of another, this was Mirana's last thought as she once again fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Alice's Mind was racing , the admiration she had for Mirana had once again greatly increased, she had no idea just how much pain Stayne had caused her queen. For a moment she had found herself wishing she had been quicker in ending his life. But there was hope Mirana had connected with her emotions today, Alice had made her own vow when she had found Mirana in that hallway, that regardless of how long it would take, she would put the broken pieces of her white queen back together. She to was exhausted, it had been an intense day and she needed rest. As she lay Mirana down on her bed, she once again wrapped her arms around Mirana's small frame and closed her eyes.


	7. The Journey Begins

Freedom: The Journey Begins

Summary: Mirana beings her journey to wholeness with Alice's help

Warnings Once again discussion of child abuse

Authors Notes: text in italics is again Mirana's thought process. text in {_and italics_} are Mirana's dreams

* * *

Mirana was dreaming, or rather she was having a nightmare. The images were flying through her mind faster than she could keep up, as though her psyche were searching for the images she needed to see.

_{ she couldn't breathe it was happening again, Stayne was towering over her with that look in his eyes, lust absolute lust. Mirana shot for the door but as always he was to quick for her, grasping her around the waist he threw her onto the bed. _

"_Stayne please stop, I don't want this, think about what your doing! Racie loves you, if she knew this would destroy her" Mirana was desperate she didn't know how much more she could take. _

"_It's not Iracebeth I want it's you, and remember our agreement Mirana, this stays between us and no-one gets hurt" He growled back as he began_

_Mirana closed her eyes, she was used to their routine by now, if she tried hard enough she could block out most of what was happening. _

"_Ilosovic, what in the world?" Mirana was jarred out of her trance by Racie's voice. She felt the weight lift from her body. She didn't dare open her eyes. _

"_Well what do you have to say for yourself Mirana, how long has this been going on?" Racie's voice was eerily calm and Mirana didn't like it. she opened her eyes and it was only Racie and herself in the room_

_Her emotions got the better of her and the tears began to fall. " I didn't want to Racie, but he's always been so much stronger, I couldn't stop him I tried I really did" Mirana stopped the tears were making it hard to speak_

"_Stop making excuses Mirana and just tell me the truth" Racie voice was now filled with anger._

"_He told me if I ever told anyone then he'd kill you and it would all be my fault" Mirana didn't know how to tell her sister, she could barely explain it to herself._

"_So what are saying Mirana that he raped you, please just admit your trying to steal him away from me! you make me sick, trying to blame it all on him so your conscience is clear" Racie's voice mocked her_

_Mirana tried once more " Racie, its true, I didn't want to, he raped me, he's been doing it for years, I'm sorry I just I never knew how to tell you"_

"_Stop it, I don't want t hear your excuses, as far as I am concerned we are no longer sister's" Racie turned on her heel and left the room.}_

* * *

Mirana's mind flashed and a new scene played out before her

{ _"Mirana darling what's wrong?" Her mother asked the distress on her daughters face evident_

"_Mother, I'm frightened" Mirana was worried she had broken her agreement with Him, she didn't know what He would do now._

_The white queen gathered her youngest daughter in her arms "Tell me what's troubling you sweetheart and we'll solve it together"_

"_Racie is really mad at me, she saw something today I never wanted her to see" Mirana didn't even know where to begin_

"_What did she see Mira?" her mother asked trepidation evident in her voice_

"_She walked in, whilst Ilosovic was making me to do things with him" Mirana voice was barely above a whisper._

"_Things? What kind of things Mirana?" her mothers voice was now deadly serious._

"_He forces me to do things that only married people should do?" the emotions hit Mirana like a tidal wave. _

"_Why would say such things Mirana, don't you know claims like this are serious" her mother was angry with her too, was this really all her fault?_

"_But Mother I didn't want to, I tried every time but he was always to strong, to fast" Mirana was desperate why would no-one believe her, he had been right he had told her no-one would._

_Her father had arrived and her mother spoke to him so quietly that Mirana could not hear._

"_Mirana your mother is right, you should not say such things about Ilosovic, he is a good brave man and he serves me faithfully" He father to looked angry_

"_But father, it's true, I'm your daughter you know me why would I lie about this?" Mirana was desperate it was then she realised, he had convinced them both he could be the son they never had. She realised once more that where Stayne was involved she simply could not win._

"_Mirana you either stop this and apologise to Ilosovic, Or you leave Salazen for good." } _

_

* * *

_

Again her mind jumped and yet another scene played out before her.

{ _Mirana had gathered_ _the few things she still held dear and prepared to leave, she felt a twinge of sadness she would miss her sister dearly they had once been so close._

_She had no idea where she would go or what she would do, _

"_Mirana, where are you going?" the voice belonged to her friend Tarrant Hightop, son of the royal hatter_

"_Oh Tarrant, my parents have decided I am no longer welcome here, they have chosen Stayne" Mirana voice was thick with tears .she felt so betrayed she wanted to throw herself into Tarrant's arms o feel safe she hadn't felt safe in so long_

"_Mirana, stay with me and my family we can protect you from him, I won't let him hurt you anymore." Tarrant's voice was soft and pleading, he seemed genuine but she couldn't trust him, he was a man and men hurt her they used her, they abandoned her._

"_Hurt me anymore" realisation hit Mirana, could he know?_

"_I have always suspected that he has not treated you with the respect a young girl deserves, that he has taken liberties that no man should take." Tarrant expression drove the point home_

_It was too much for Mirana, he knew, oh how he must be disgusted by her, by what she had allowed Stayne to take from her. She couldn't bear to have him look at her, she had to go to get away from everything it was all too much._

"_Tarrant I can't, I have to go, get away from everything everyone, where no-one knows me where I can forget." And so Mirana ran as fast as she could away from Tarrant and away from the torment.}_

* * *

Mirana awoke with a gasp, she felt arms around her and panicked, she wrenched herself from their hold. And fell to the floor

"Mirana?" Alice's groggy voice questioned. It was then she remembered of course Alice had brought her back to her room last night!

Mirana's body once again began to shake and she learned against the bed for support. Alice joined her on the floor

"I was dreaming" Mirana chocked out between sobs "Of my last day at Salazen, the day Racie and my parents discovered the truth, they refused to believe me, they kept insisting that I was making it up. They threw me out into the wilderness, I was thirteen, Lord knows what could have happened but they didn't care so long as our family reputation wasn't tarnished"

She felt Alice reach for her hand and this time she did not pull away. " I believe you Mirana, I really do" she squeezed Mirana hand once more.

"I just don't understand how they could think, I would make something so hurtful up, simply to get out of trouble. How they could betray me like that," Mirana closed her eyes in a bid to slow the tears.

"I saw Tarrant, he was there to, the day I left when he had begged me to stay, he knew, that means he still knows

_He must be disgusted with you, you allowed your virginity to be taken from you, you allowed yourself to be stained, how can anyone respect someone like you._

The fear of rejection was once again seeping into Mirana's consciousness, "how can he bear to look at me, to be around me knowing the things that I've done?" she let out a strangled cry.

"Mirana, listen to me, you did not allow Stayne to take your virginity . He raped you, he took your choice from you. You were just a girl you could not have stopped him, he knew that and he exploited it. What happened was not your fault . you didn't do anything to cause it and you couldn't have done anything to stop. I know that, Tarrant knows that, and you need to know that" Alice spoke so tenderly

Mirana wanted to believe but she couldn't. If Alice was right and the blame lie with Stayne and not herself, then her parents, Racie would have realised that. They knew her better than anyone after all. "But then why didn't they believe me", the grief was so evident in her voice.

"You have nothing to be ashamed off. I don't know why your family didn't believe you, I wish I did, so I could help you understand it. but Mirana you need to believe me when I say the blame for this lies entirely with him" Alice outlined once more

Mirana's head hurt, so much had happened in such a short time, she could barely keep up. She knew she had to speak to her advisors today to begin the restoration of wonderland, time didn't stop for anything especially when you were queen. Mirana sighed as she collected herself, and slipped into her mask. The mask she showed to all those in marmoreal of Mirana the white queen who could handle anything Underland could throw at her, Mirana the white queen who was no-more than she appeared.

* * *

As she left Alice to sighed, it was going to be a long road for Mirana, with more bumps than she cared to imagine but once again Alice felt there was hope no matter how long the journey was this morning, she and Mirana had started it together.


	8. Tarrant

Freedom: Tarrant

Summary: Mirana and Tarrant are given the chance to talk.

Authors note: i would like to thank those who have reviewed so far. and as always writing in italics belong to Mirana's thought process

* * *

Mirana was seated in her throne discussing with her advisors how to regenerate what little was left of their beloved wonderland. How she longed to wipe out every trace of what Racie and her red army had done to it. Plans had been made and she and a consort would ride out to re-hydrate the soil, in the hopes that it would bear food once more. Mirana sighed there was so much to repair her list seemed possibly endless.

"My Queen, I wondered if I may join you in the barren lands?" the voice belonged to Tarrant.

"Do you not think my friend that it will be to much for you?" Mirana's concern showed in her voice.

" I think I could handle it, its just a memory, memories never hurt anyone, to help just to help, please Mira" Tarrant responded.

_Mira, she hadn't been called that for years, not since… stop it, you can't afford o think of this now, not with half your court here to witness it._

"If your sure old friend", she responded, it some how seemed easier than any alternative. Mirana mind however was racing

_How? How do you intend to spend the day with him. He knows! He knows the stains your body holds, the damage that's been done. You left him, how he must hate you._

_I had to leave he must understand that, he knew, he must understand_

_Yes! Oh yes he knew and what must he think of you now, he won't be able to look at you without seeing Stayne's mark's all over you. Your damaged Mirana accept it._

_No! I won't hear it your just trying to poison my mind, trying to keep locked in this prison._

_But I'm you, I'm in your head these are your thoughts! You know it's all true, you were Stayne's whore and now you have to live with the consequences no man will ever want you now!_

_Please just stop, stop it, I can't take this anymore!_

"My lady, we have arrived" it was one of her court.

"Ah, so we have" Mirana replied, forcing her smile and her dreamy voice.

The group dismounted and set to the task in hand, but Mirana was distracted she could not get thought's of Tarrant out of her mind, she found herself wishing she had asked him to remain at marmoreal. Her thoughts were causing her such great distress, that those around her were beginning to notice.

"Mirana, is everything alright, you seem very troubled today?" the voice belonged to Kara, her closest advisor and one of the few members of the court that Mirana would venture to call friend.

"I am alright Kara, I am just a little overwhelmed the tasks just seem rather endless" Mirana's voice betrayed her

"Perhaps, you should return to Marmoreal and rest, we can complete the re-hydration and return ourselves." Kara tried once more

"No, no really I'm ok" Mirana tried once more.

"Mirana, I have served with you for four years, I know you, something is troubling you. You don't have to tell me what it is, but please go back and rest." Kara's words were carefully chosen.

"I can escort you my lady, that way, everyone here can finish what needs to be done"

Oh no, Mirana thought, the last thing she needed was to be alone with Tarrant

" Then it's settled, may I come and check on you this evening my queen?" Kara asked concern etched into her features.

"Of course" Mirana gave a curt reply, she just wanted to get back to Marmoreal, back to the safety of her chamber as soon as possible.

* * *

Mirana and Tarrant had been riding in silence for sometime, when Tarrant finally broke the silence.

"Is it the battle that has you so concerned my lady? Or Alice? Or do you feel you were to harsh with them?" Tarrant had always hated seeing Mirana in distress even when they were both children within the walls of Salazen.

"It Is nothing, old friend, I am simply tired from the events of the last few days." Mirana answered her voice lacked any real emotion.

"Seeing them was hard for me too, from the corner of his eye he saw Mirana grimace, a reminder of what they have done to this world. But they are gone now Mirana they can't hurt any off us anymore", Tarrant did not expect the reaction he received from her.

"They don't have to be here to hurt us Tarrant, they've left their marks all over wonderland", Mirana voice was troubled and the next sentence was barely a whisper "All over me"

Tarrant was silent, he was unsure of how to respond. "Mirana, you are not marked by them" this time Tarrant was prepared for her response.

"How can you say that, he's all over me I can't look at myself without seeing him, without seeing everything he's done to me. I'm Marred forever by them both" The tears were thick in Mirana voice.

Tarrant so much wanted to hold her and make her pain go away. It was all he had ever wanted to do when they were children.

He stepped of his horse keeping his movements slow, the last thing he wanted to do was scare his queen any more than she already was. He reached out his hand as a signal he would like to help Mirana of her horse. She looked at him a mixture of fear and curiosity in her eyes, but accepted. Tarrant hoped it was out of her curiosity rather than her fear.

When they were both standing he reached for Mirana's hand but she shrank away from him. It is worse than I thought he mused, but he would not push her, he would not remind her of Ilosovic Stayne

"Mirana, you are not marred by them, they do not define you!" Again his words were slow, he did not want to frighten his queen.

"How can you say that Tarrant? When you know what happened , when you know what he did to me within those walls, what I allowed to happen?" Mirana's voice was angry, but from what Tarrant could tell her anger was directed only at herself

"Mirana, your right I have always suspected that Stayne did not treat you with the respect you deserve, he paused gathering his words, but you did not allow it to happen, how could you, you were a child at that age you could not have understood what was happening, least of all stop it"

"But", she didn't believe him, Tarrant could see it in her features

"Mirana, if I am correct and…. Stayne did steal your virginity, he could not bring himself to say the word rape, you are not to blame, you did not allow it, you did not cause it to happen.

Mirana turned from him, and in that moment Tarrant wished much as had Alice had two days prior that he had driven the sword into Stayne's body. her shoulders began to shake, Tarrant assumed she was crying.

"Mirana, my one regret from the time we both spent in Salazen, is that I did not protect you from him, that I did not stop the abuse, and save you from all of them" The regret was more than evident in his words

Her sobs seemed to become more forceful, He longed to pull her into her arms, but he knew the decision had to be hers, that she had to make the step.

"I'm sorry", Her voice was so soft, at first he thought he had imagined it.

She was sorry, why he could not fathom. "My lady, what do you have to be sorry for?"

"It was never my intention to cause you pain" Her voice was so meek, almost as though she were still a child.

But then in some ways, she must still be a child, still be a terrified. Unsure of how to act around him, for fear that if she said or did the wrong thing he would treat as Stayne had for so many years. His heart was breaking, he longed so much to help his queen but he did not know how.

"Mirana, would it be alright for me to hold you, to show you that in my eyes you are not stained by him" Tarrant asked prepared for whatever answer she may give

Mirana did not speak but Tarrant already knew the answer to his question.

"No matter, only when and if you are ready. I Shall wait, even if I have to wait my entire life and the day never comes. I will never abandon you Mirana" Once again he spoke slowly and with as much love infused in his words as he could muster.

"Tarrant, her voice was small, could we continue on to Marmoreal, I am very tired.

"Of course my lady, whatever you wish" It was that day that Tarrant made his vow. He would show Mirana that not all men were like Ilosovic Stayne. He Tarrant Hightop of Hightop hall would show his white queen that she could trust the male half of their race. That he would never hurt her intentionally and their friendship would be completely in her hands. That he would never do anything without her express permission.

The rest of their journey back to Marmoreal was silent each of them lost in their own private thoughts. Tarrant preparing himself for the journey he was about to begin, Mirana well that he could not say.

* * *

Mirana head was spinning, Tarrant had been so kind to her, so understanding so dare she say the word loving. He knew he had always known but yet still he remained he had not cast her out of his life. He did not seem disgusted by her. She could not understand it. Stayne had always told her that no man would look at her twice, if they knew what she had allowed. It was then that once again Mirana mind began to question.

_You shouldn't trust him, he's a man, he'll hurt you just like all the others in your life. He may pretend to be sweet and caring, but Stayne was like that once. It was just a way of gaining your trust so that when he couldn't resist his urges any longer, you wouldn't see it coming. He was like a brother to you once, sweet and caring, but he never wanted you as a sister the way he pretended, he just wanted your body, to use as a route to his own sexual pleasure, you didn't mean anything to Stayne. What makes you think Tarrant is any different. He'll use you until he has what he wants then he'll throw you aside like the doll you are!_

Mirana felt tears drip down her cheek once more. She didn't want to listen, but her mind was making sense. There had been a time when Stayne had shown her kindness, she may at the time even stretched to the word love, but it had just been away to gain her trust, so that he would have easy access to her whenever his anger or his hormones took control. Why should Tarrant be any different, but there was a small part of her, she was not sure where. That truly wanted to believe that Tarrant was different , that she could trust him. It was then she realised that they had arrived at Marmoreal. She dismounted greeting the members of the court that were in the halls and fled to her room, she was exhausted, she only hoped that her sleep would be not be as plagued by dreams as the previous evening…..

* * *

A/N: I will update as soon as possible, but untill then enjoy


	9. Small Steps

Freedom: Small Steps

Summary: Mirana moves forward with the help of a very old friend

Warnings: same as always.

Authors Notes: writing in italics are Mirana's thought process's

* * *

Mirana awoke to the sound of knocking on her door, at first she thought she had imagined it. but then she heard it again. She rose from her bed realising that she was fully clothed,

_I must have passed out the second my head hit the pillow, _

Mirana was exhausted, her conversation with Tarrant had been hard and emotionally draining. She opened the door to her room.

Kara was juggling a tray of food.

"I figured breakfast would be the last thing on your mind, I came by last night but you were asleep and I thought you probably needed it." Kara's face was a picture of concern.

"Come in old friend" Mirana stepped aside and watched as Kara moved to her bed placed the tray down and sat beside it.

"Mirana, is everything ok? you have been so distant these last few days", Her eyes were pleading, she wanted so much to help Mirana could see that.

"So much has happened. It's just been a little to much!" Mirana answered hoping her reply would pacify them.

"Mirana, please don't lie to me. I know you, there is more to this, you don't have to tell me what, but know I am here for you if you want me" Kara was speaking much as Tarrant and Alice had over the last few days.

"It was seeing him again…" Mirana paused already her breathing became laboured

"Stayne?", Kara's voice was soft but firm

_His name again, why can't I escape him, why must he haunt me this way, I'm sick of him_

"Mirana" Kara's voice was firm yet gentle.

"He **Hurt** me Kara" Mirana heard her own voice and despised just how weak it sounded.

"I Know" Was her friends only response

"No, you don't know, you weren't there, you weren't there when he raped me in my own city, when he spent my childhood doing the same. You weren't there so you don't know" Mirana screamed back.

_What have I done, she knows, she'll hate me, she'll hate me_

"Mirana, I know, at least I've suspected ever since you arrived here all those years ago" Kara reached for Mirana's hand, but as she had done so much in the last few days Mirana pulled away.

"You knew, all this time why didn't you ever say anything?" Mirana voice was full of confusion with a tinge of betrayal.

"I wanted you to tell me on your terms, not on mine. I didn't want to take your choice away anymore than it had been already" Kara's voice was so filled with love that Mirana could feel tears pricking at her eyes

"You are a good friend, more than I deserve" Kara reached for Mirana once more, and this time allowed herself to be drawn into her friends embrace.

_She's known all these years and she hasn't abandoned you. Alice and Tarrant are still here, let them help you, you can heal all of this_

_No! it's a trick, people don't care about you, they just use you. You were just an object to Stayne. Just cannon fodder in Racie's war with your parents. They're no different they want something from you and once they get it they will toss you aside._

_No stop it, just stop it, I wont listen to you anymore._

"I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling, but I'm not going anywhere. We knew, the queen and I that this day would come. I promised her I would do anything I could to put you back together, It was her dying wish" She kissed Mirana's forehead.

"She always did take care of me, both of you always have. I just want it to stop Kara, I'm so tired" Mirana felt numb she so wanted to cry, but she couldn't seem to let the tears fall.

"So do I little one. So do I" Kara kissed Mirana's forehead once again.

Mirana found herself wanting to stay in Kara's arms, she had not felt this safe in along time, not even with Alice. Alice she had not seen her champion for almost two days, she wondered what she was doing.

There was a small knock on the door and as if on queue in walked Alice. She seemed very unnerved not quite sure how to act around the queen.

"Perhaps, I should leave you two to talk?" Kara's tone was somewhere between a question and a statement, as she made to move.

"Kara, do you think you could stay with us for a little longer? I… I cannot remember when I last felt this safe" , Mirana's fear of rejection was evident in her voice.

"Of course" Kara replied tightening her arms.

"Have you seen Tarrant this morning?" Mirana asked the fear had once again returned to her voice.

"Yes, he asked me how you were, I told I had not seen you since the day before yesterday, he seems very worried about you!" Alice replied perching on the end of Mirana's bed.

"I should find him and apologise for yesterday" Mirana attempted to detangle herself from Kara's arms.

"You do not need to worry about Tarrant, He will be fine and I'm sure he would rather you spend the day resting than worrying about him" Alice placed her hand over Mirana's and squeezed it lightly.

"Mirana, I cleared you schedule for today, I thought you and I could take Alice on a tour of the kingdom, and tell her tales of the olden days, off all the mischief you and I got up to as teenagers." Kara's eyes were sparkling

Mirana nodded in agreement and Kara swept of to prepare horses and food promising to return as soon as she was done.

"I'm sorry" Both Alice and Mirana spoke at the same time.

"Why are you sorry Mirana" Alice asked

"I have not acted the way a queen should towards her champion, these last few days, there is no excuse for that, so I am sorry" Mirana spoke much as she had the day Alice had arrived at Marmoreal.

"And I am sorry Mirana, you are right I have no idea what this must be like for you, so I am sorry that I have been pushing these last few days. I promise from today that I am here when you want to talk, but I will not push. If you do not want to talk then we wont and if you do we can for as long or as short a time as you wish." Alice took a deep breath, Mirana wondered how long Alice had been practicing that speech.

Kara appeared at the door and the three young women set of for an day of friendship and joy. For although there was a shadow over them. They were reminded how gifted they were to have one another.


	10. Outlands

Freedom: Outlands

Summary: Charts the wanderings of Stayne and Iracebeth and she finally see's Stayne for who he is

Warnings: Not really any this chapter

A/N: italics are Racie's memories of her times with Mirana as children

* * *

Ilosovic Stayne could hear the sound of eagles as he scouted the outlands for a source of food. The broken chain on his wrist occasionally clinked, usually scaring away anything he had managed to track. Oh how he hated Mirana for sending him here and forcing him to spend the remainder of his days with that big headed woman would he ever escape her. He had been stuck with her since they were seventeen. He had begun to believe she was not worth the throne, yet he had never been able to rid himself of her. Crack, Stayne smiled in satisfaction as he crushed the fox's head. He set of back to the cave he and Iracebeth had taken shelter in. Ah well he thought, having Racie to take his frustrations out on was better than being alone.

"Ilosovic, is that did you find something for us to eat?" Iracebeth's high pitched voice filled his ears and the good mood he had held only moments ago disappeared. He threw the fox towards her and pulled out his knife preparing to skin the animal.

"Should feed us for at least two days" were the only words he spoke before returning to his previous brooding state.

"Why so brooding my love?", Iracebeth silky sweet voice cooed in his ear

"Because, I am stuck here with you! Because I've been stuck with you since we were teenagers!" he growled back

"But, you love me, you've always been in love with me" Iracebeth's voice was now pleading with him.

"No! I've always been in love with your sister, but you always had to get in the way didn't you, stop her from seeing me for who I was" Stayne was shouting now and he did not care, he was enjoying the look of fear on her face.

"You're in love with my sister?" Iracebeth asked the comprehension slowly creeping into her features

"I've been in love with her since I arrived at Salazen all those years ago, we could have been together were it not for you" Stayne continued to shout his madness now evident in his face.

Iracebeth was beginning to feel sick, she had been so blind for so long, she had wanted to believe the Stayne loved her so much that she had ignored what was plain before her face.

"Mirana was in love with Tarrant never with you, she slept with you once, that does not mean she loved you!" now Iracebeth was shouting

"Once , once! I had been enjoying your sister long before the day you discovered us, she left because you prevented us being together" Iracebeth looked into Stayne's face and saw something she had never seen there before. He looked almost consumed with lust for her sister. It was in that moment that the wool that Stayne had kept over her eyes all these years fell.

_Mirana tried once more " Racie, its true, I didn't want to, he raped me, he's been doing it for years, I'm sorry I just I never knew how to tell you"_

" She was telling the truth, you did it, you raped her! That day she was distraught and I chose you" regret was filling her mind. She tried to get the image of her sister out her head but she could not. He mind kept playing those few minutes over and over. The guilt was unbearable for Iracebeth. It was as though Mirana's expression was burned into her retina's, the anguish , the betrayal why had she never seen it before, Oh how Mirana must hate her.

She turned and ran ,away from Him, away from it all. she kept running until her chest pounded and she feared her heart may break out from her chest.

It was true, everything Mirana had revealed that day all of it! Iracebeth felt a feeling she had not felt in as long as she could remember. It seeped from her heart all over her body to the tips of her toes and fingers, she wanted nothing her more than to hide from the world. To disappear and never have to face that man again, never have to face the world. She wondered briefly if this was a small insight into how Mirana must have been feeling, for what Iracebeth feared, most of her life.

She could not bear to think of Him and what he had done to her sister it was to painful. But what was truly unbearable was the guilt and shame she felt knowing that she had let Mirana down, how she had betrayed her for a man she barely knew, on some notion of love.

" _Racie, Racie, where are you?" Mirana's sweet voice carried down the hallway and into the library_

"_I'm here Mira, what is it?" Racie appeared from behind a bookshelf._

"_Racie, I don't like the thunder its so loud" Mirana looked so sweet Iracebeth heart melted._

"_The thunder can't hurt you Mira, your safe here" Racie sat down and pulled Mira into her arms_

"_But it sounds so angry" Mira held onto her sister for dear life_

"_Mira, I won't let the thunder hurt you I promise, sleep in my room tonight little one. I promise I won't ever let anything hurt you" Racie kissed the top of Mirana's head_

"_Ever?" Mira's voice was barely above a whisper_

"_Ever!" Racie's voice was strong as always_

The memory was almost unbearable for Iracebeth, for the first time in as long as she could remember she felt tears break out of her eyes. How would she ever make up for her betrayal?


	11. Healing Continues Tarrant

Freedom: Healing Continues (Tarrant)

Summary:  Mirana takes the next painful step on her journey towards healing.

Warnings: Mild sexual content and mentions of rape

Authors: This chapter is taken entirley from Tarrant's P.O.V as he tries to get Mirana to see how much he loves her.

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Tarrant lay awake staring at the ceiling, he could not get Mirana out of his head, it had been years since he last saw her yet his desire for her remained the same as always. In many ways nothing had changed Mirana was still the girl he had fallen in love with all those years ago, still so wonderfully caring and loving and so so strong. And yet still so devastated by one Ilosovic Stayne. Oh how he longed to help her heal if it meant they would only ever be friends, it pained him so to see her in such pain. He could not sleep so he resolved to wander the halls in the hope of exhausting himself.

He opened his door, and started when he saw Mirana standing there.

"I, I'm sorry, I just did you mean what you said yesterday?", her voice was again barely above a whisper

Tarrant searched his memory banks, they had said so much the day before , he was not entirely sure which part she spoke of. He didn't however want to scare her away by asking exactly what she was referring to.

"I meant every word of it, You did not allow it to happen, and you most certainly are not stained by him.", as always his words were slow and careful.

Mirana did not say anything, she would not look at him, but the tension in the hallway lessened considerably. He was completely unprepared for what happened next, she reached up and kissed him, sending him tumbling backwards into his room. He felt as though he was on fire, Mirana tasted so sweet, he'd always dreamed of being in this situation. He was utterly lost in her, his hands went to her hair, it was so soft like the rest of her he mused. He didn't realise they had made it to his bed until he felt his blood rushing down his body and himself becoming hard. He panicked, he felt Mirana's hand slipping down his body and reaching the hem of his trousers.

He quickly stopped her hand in its tracks, Mirana seemed drawn from her rapture, she looked at him and her expression was tinged with betrayal.

"Mirana, not like this", She looked away and pulled her hand away from him.

"You…. Don't want me?" She sounded so small, it broke his heart

"Not like this, not so soon after …. After…." He couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence.

"After what? After Stayne defiled me again, after he stained me, after I allowed him to violate me once more" Her voice was filled with such emotion, he could barely bring himself to speak, but he had too, for her sake far more then his,

"After, He hurt you, after he stole from you. Mirana I want you, all of you, not just your body, and never against your will" Tarrant paused, he could not read her expression, but he continued

" I have loved you since we were children, and since then. What HE did to you cannot change that. But I don't want you like this, I want all of you and right now, you can't give me all of you." , She looked up at him, he took a short breath and continued

"I want nothing more than you to be not only my queen, but also one day, no matter how long I have to wait, my wife, but I will never do anything you do not want me to. I would wait until the day you were my wife before I asked for all of you, mind, body and soul"

"I think I should go", her voice was small and she rose from the bed and made for the door.

Tarrant was unsure of what to do or say, he was about to say he loved her when she turned from the doorway

"Thank you" and with that she was gone, and Tarrant was left with the same feeling Alice had had a few days prior that there was hope for Mirana and today her healing really had begun!


	12. Healing Continues Mirana

Freedom: Healing Continues Mirana)

Summary: Companion to the last chapter, Mirana takes another painful step towards healing, and battles with rejection, self-blame and self loathing.

Warnings: Minor sexual situations and mentions of rape

Authors Note: Mirana's P.O.V of the previous chapter, as always writing in italics are Mirana's though process'

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Mirana walked the halls, she felt as though there were frogs doing summersaults in her stomach, she was a little terrified but she had resolved to carry her plan through to completion. As she approached Tarrant's door. She wanted him, she wanted him to love her, to fill the longing inside, but mostly she wanted Him to erase Stayne's touch from her body.

She was nervous, she raised her hand to knock on his door,

_Knock, go on you need this ,it's the only way you'll ever forget!_

_It won't help, nothing will make you forget what he's done to you. Time will lessen it 's impact but you'll never forget_

_Just do it, knock on the door, you never had the choice before, this time it will be different_

_Mirana, you know this wont help, it will just leave you feeling even more empty._

Mirana sighed she felt as though she was forever fighting with herself, oh how she wanted to be free of HIM, she knew her subconscious was right that this wouldn't help, that it would leave unable to look Tarrant in the eye. Yet there was a small part of her that longed for anything that would make the pain go away.

She was about to leave, when Tarrant's door opened. He looked surprised to see her!

_Think Mirana think, say something anything_

"I, I'm sorry, I just did you mean what you said yesterday?", her voice was again barely above a whisper

He was silent, _He didn't I Knew it, he does think I'm a whore, I need to get out of here! _as she was about to leave he spoke

"I meant every word of it, You did not allow it to happen, and you most certainly are not stained by him.", as always his words were slow and careful.

His words pulled Mirana out of her revere, this time she believed his words, and the longing inside of her took over. She reached up and kissed Tarrant. She felt as though she were flying, this was so strange, she had complete control she was kissing him, and he was kissing her but there was no violence no forcefulness just the two of them. She felt his hands in her hair, and panic slowly began to rise.

_Keep going, your almost there, ignore those feelings, your in control of this._

She ran her hands up and down his forearms, he was so strong and yet so gentle, she felt him harden and she found she was both exited and terrified at the same time

_I wonder what it would feel like to have Tarrant inside of me, to have him explore my body, whilst I explore his._

She reached down to the hem of his trousers, and explored below. Her hand came into contact with his erection, this time only her terror mounted, but she was determined to do this , she would prove that Stayne no longer had any hold on her. She felt Tarrant pull her hand towards him.

"Mirana, not like this", his words sounded full of love, but she refused to hear them.

She turned from him, shame coursing through her veins, he didn't want her, he was disgusted with her.

"You…. " she couldn't bring herself to say it, she feared his answer "Don't want me?" she tried to keep the betrayal out of her voice, but she could not.

"Not like this, not so soon after …. After…." He was stumbling over his words

_After, he only see's you as Stayne's left over's, how could he ever want a woman who let a man take her so many times._ Her anger boiled over, anger at Tarrant for rejecting her, Anger at HIM for stealing her life from before her, Anger at herself for allowing HIM to take it, and anger at the whole damn situation

"After what? After Stayne defiled me again, after he stained me, after I allowed him to violate me once more" , her voice caught in her throat and she couldn't finish, _after I let him take what should have been yours, I should have fought harder, I should have stopped him_. She felt Tarrant grip her hand, she tried to wrench it away as she had done so many times previously but he would not let go.

"After, He hurt you, after he stole from you. Mirana I want you, all of you, not just your body, and never against your will" He stopped talking, but she would not look him in the eyes, she was to afraid of what she might see

" I have loved you since we were children, and more and more as the days have gone by. What HE did to you cannot change that. But I don't want you like this, I want all of you and right now, you can't give me all of you." This time Mirana lifted her head and looked at him, he took a short breath.

"I want nothing more than you to be not only my queen, but also one day, no matter how long I have to wait, my wife, but I will never do anything you do not want me to, and I would wait until the day you were my wife before I asked for all of you, mind, body and soul"

It was to much for Mirana, how could he be so caring knowing what she was and what she had allowed to happen, she pulled her hand away from his and made for the door. When she reached the frame she stopped.

"Thank You" just two simple words but they signified so much, that night Tarrant had broken through Mirana's wall.

_He loves you, He cares about you. He wants to put you back together. He knows it wasn't you fault, all you have to do is believe him!_

Mirana walked back to her own chambers, she felt something she hadn't felt in as long as she could remember, she felt hope, she would put herself back together with the help of Alice, Kara , Tarrant and the rest of her friends. And she knew that there really would be a day when Stayne would no longer have a hold over her. But until then she would take each day at a time.


End file.
